I'd Rather Not Be Your N-I-G-G-A

Let me set it up for you... To break the monotony that is Camp Arifjan, the powers-that-be offer sight-seeing trips in to Kuwait City. Now, if you've never been here or seen pictures, Kuwait City is not what you'd imagine. This place is waaay more westernized with plenty to see and do. The houses that these people live in are huge! Make no mistake, this country is loaded!
Anyway, we took a trip to the Scientific Center where there's an Imax theatre, a pretty cool aquarium, and other attractions. It's the type of place that schools take field trips to, as was apparent on this particular day.
While sitting at the Burger King eating area, a group of Kuwaiti school girls walked up to a friend of mine, who happens to be black, and asked her if she was from Africa. Now in the U.S., this might call for an ass whoopin', but ths is Kuwait and Africa is not that far from here. She politely said no, and told them she was an American. Delighted, the 3 girls asked a few more questions about the U.S. to which my friend politely responded. At the very end, the girls said, "Tell Oprah we said, hello." I was rollin'!!
After the Scientific Center, we went to the Kuwaiti Liberation Towers. where we ate some very gourmet food, at a very expensive restaurant at the top of the tower. I would've rather gone to the Chili's restaurant we passed on the way there, but it was off limits to us. We also passed this parking lot where a bunch of young Kuwaiti rich kids were out parkin' lot pimpin' with their exotic sports cars and uero-style fashion. Lemme tell ya, this is the life of a young male Kuwaiti citizen. They have money to burn and hardly a care in the world. Just a bunch of yuppies living the fabulous life... hell yeah I'm jealous!
So, as I was walking back to our bus, a little red Mercedes Coupe was speeding past me in the parking lot. As it came close to my vicinity, this dude pokes his head out the passenger-side window and yells, "Wussup Nigga!"
At first I was pissed at him... then I was mad at them. But in the end, I was mad at us. Why? Because this kid pro'ly got that from some Rap music that he hears on the regular. We made it acceptable for the world to call us that. That kid wasn't a racist. He was just adhering to an image that we perpetuate about ourselves. Hell, I'm suprised the boy didn't throw up a gang sign while swiggin' a 40 oz. 'Cuz really... that's what we tell them is cool, right? 25,000 miles away from the nearest red-neck, and I'm still being called 'Nigga'.

Where am I?

Gather 'round as I run it down...
I'm going. I'm catching a flight
In the height of the night
Leaving my loved ones; Why am I leavin'
All for a cause that I don't believe in
With the weight of the world on my shoulders
The altitude get's higher, the atmosphere gets colder
I wonder if she'll miss me. Probably not as much as I'll miss her
Never got to say goodbye; never got to kiss her
It's like I was saying I love you in a foriegn language
Now I have 365 days to get over my anguish
She has a new distraction
She has a new love, another fatal attraction
It pains me to know that he's the one she'd prefer
But I can't stop hoping; I can't stop loving Her

Dealing With A Broken Heart

If you feel like your heart has broken, you're not alone. Just about everyone experiences the type of grief we call heartbreak at one time or another - and some people seem to have their hearts broken many times throughout their lives. Sometimes it feels like all those songs about broken hearts were written just for you and your situation!
Lots of things can cause heartbreak. Some people experience the pain of a romantic relationship that ends before they're ready. Others love someone who doesn't feel the same way. Or maybe a person feels heartbreak when a close friend moves out of their life. Although the causes may be different, the feeling of loss is the same - whether it's the loss of something real or the loss of something you only hoped for. People describe heartbreak as a feeling of heaviness, emptiness, and sadness.

Although poets have written about the pain of heartbreak for thousands of years, when it's happening to you, it can feel like no one else in the world has ever felt the same. If you're recovering from a broken heart, there are things you can do to lessen the pain. Here are some tips that might help:

• Share your feelings. Some people find that sharing their feelings with someone they trust - someone who recognizes what they're going through - helps them feel better. That could mean talking over all the things you feel, even having a good cry on the shoulder of a comforting friend or family member. Others find they heal better if they hang out and do the things they normally enjoy, like seeing a movie or going to a concert, to take their minds off the hurt. Sometimes people who mean well but don't understand the depths of your hurt may try to cheer you up with statements like "you'll get over it" or "you'll meet someone else." These people are probably trying to help in the only way they know. But if you feel like someone can't relate to what you're going through or is dismissive of your feelings, find someone more sympathetic to talk to.
  
• Take good care of yourself. A broken heart can be very stressful so don't let the rest of your body get broken, too. Get lots of sleep, eat healthy foods, and exercise regularly to minimize stress and depression and give your self-esteem a boost.
  
• Remember what's good about you. Sometimes people with broken hearts start to blame themselves for what's happened. They may be really down on themselves, exaggerating their faults as though they did something to deserve the unhappiness they're experiencing. If you find this happening to you, nip it in the bud! Remind yourself of your good qualities, and if you can't think of them because your broken heart is clouding your view, get your friends to help you remember what's good about you.
  
• Keep yourself busy. Sometimes this is difficult when you're coping with sadness and grief, but it really helps. This is a great time to redecorate your room or try a new hobby. That doesn't mean you shouldn't think about what happened - working things through in our minds is all part of the healing process - it just means you should focus on other things, too.
  
• Give yourself time. It takes time for sadness to go away. Almost everyone thinks they won't feel normal again, but the human spirit is amazing - and the heartbreak almost always heals after a while. But how long will that take? That depends on what caused your heartbroken feeling, how you deal with loss, and how quickly you tend to bounce back from things. Mending a broken heart can take a couple of days to many weeks - and sometimes even months.
  

Some people feel that nothing will make them happy again and resort to alcohol or drugs. Others feel angry and want to hurt themselves or someone else. People who drink, do drugs, or cut themselves to escape from the reality of a loss may think they are numbing their pain, but the feeling is only temporary. The person isn't really dealing with the pain, only masking it, which makes all their feelings build up inside and prolongs the sadness.

Sometimes the sadness is so deep - or lasts so long - that a person may need some extra support to deal with a broken heart. For someone who is not starting to feel better after a few weeks or who continues to feel depressed, talking to a counselor or therapist can be very helpful.

So be patient with yourself, and let the healing begin.

I've learned....

I`ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

I`ve learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assho!es.

I`ve learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

I`ve learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you`d better have a big willy or huge boobs.

I`ve learned that you shouldn`t compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think.

I`ve learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you`re finished.

I`ve learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.

I`ve learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take it's place!

I`ve learned that 99% of the time when something isn`t working in your house, one of your kids did it.

I`ve learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.

The science of heart-break....

I had visions of our future. They were as clear to me as a 60 inch HDTV screen. In my visions we shared a life-long happiness. We had the kind of romance that you read about in the pages of great literature. In my heart of hearts I believed that someday it would be so.
Alas, as much as I tried, I could never get her to see my vision; to share in my reverie. Now she dreams of another, and I am forced to accept that my dreams were nothing more than foolish delusions.

Is it possible to ever really give up on a dream? Can you really stop hoping?

For the past 5 years I've sent my heart speeding toward one singular ambition. Now I must make it stop, or change direction. But Newton’s Law states that an object in motion will stay in motion unless acted upon by an unbalanced force. What force is more unbalanced than love?
One force that keeps objects from being in perpetual motion is friction. Friction is caused by a molecular attraction between materials - or people. One of the side-effects of friction is that it generates heat. The more friction you have, the more heat you will generate.
Needless to say, it will take a lot of friction to give up this hope, this vision that I have. That heat sensation is what I feel in my chest right now. The burn of trying to bring my heart to a screeching halt. Can you see the sparks?

I apologize...

...for the incredibly bad poetry I've been writing lately. It's just that I love her dearly, and I want so badly to show her how much.

Run

I run
I run far and fast
I run 'till my lungs are aflame
'Til my legs won't take another step
'Til my chest won't stop heaving
I'm not running for pain
I'm running from it
I run
I run 'til the pain from running
Overruns the pain of her not loving me

She To Me

She pleases me
She appeases me
She eases me
She teases me
She pleads with me
She sees thru me
She leans on me
She agrees with me
She disagrees with me
She's a gentle breeze to me

She percieves me

She frees me

She recieves me
She believes in me